Sausages and Clams...

I've decided to change the name of the blog... we have a little running gag, all about northern European sausage, of which I have a fine specimen...

AN EMAIL CONVERSATION BETWEEN Jane & Simon

For all those men who believe that there's no reason to by the cow when the milk is free, nowadays 80% of women are against marriage as they have wised up to the fact that for 7 ounces of sausage, it's not worth buying the entire pig!

Are you suggesting something?

Not at all

I think, dear little Jane, that you need a serving of sausage... perhaps we ought to start you out with something small...

You're right... let me call Sam.

As the owner of the Northern European Sausage Factory, it is my responsibility to handle all customer requests... knowing what you needed, I've already put a call into him so that you can have your needs fulfilled...

I appreciate that. However, I've already made arrangements.

Figures. He's always been troublesome & now I know he's using his relationship with the NESF while not providing us with the appropriate fees and other remunerations. I'll be terminating his relationship with the NESF. Please note, as such, that your satisfaction is not guaranteed; you'll have to take that up with him. If you change your mind and what certified Northern European Sausage, please get in touch with me.

Yes/OK

S A L E ! The Northern European Sausage Factory is running a sale on prime cuts of sausage. We value your patronage and want to ensure your complete & total satisfaction. Please contact us for details & pricing!

I'm sorry. We've gone with a new vendor. It's the South Eastern Sausage Factory (SESF). They offer the finest choices of homegrown sausage, fit for all consumers.

Well, miss, we here at the NESF are disappointed that you've chosen to take your business elsewhere. We understand, however, that sometimes a person needs to find new vendors for certain products. For instance, we recently learned of the American Clam House and hope to try out their products... ;-)

You may want to rethink patronizing that particular establishment. It's been told that they frequently invest in bad clams. Might I recommend the services of Northern Clams Limited (NCL). They have a wonderful reputation for providing choice clam selection. Sincerely, J.Cremer, COO, Cremer Meat Packing Industries.

Perhaps I could try some of the product that Cremer Meat Packing Industries makes... do you have clams?

No clams, tacos

No clams! What sort of tacos do you have?

Prepackaged.

Prepackaged! You know that here at the Northern European Sausage Factory, we use only the finest and freshest cuts of prime meat for our sausages. We've found that our customers have come to adore our sausages. We have some customers who are repeat customers for years and years; they just continue to want our sausages. Recently, we've had to cut back on production of sausages, and, sadly, some of those repeat customers have been left out in the cold. Our customers find that while other sausages seem to have the same basic ingredients, our special northern European sausages provide an extra something. It's almost as if our customers, once they taste one of our sausages, have a continual, undefined, yearning for more. You ought to consider moving from prepackaged tacos to fresh tacos.

We found that fresh tacos lead to some undesirable repeat customers. If we protect our tacos by packaging them, we find that our select customers enjoy the safety and assurance of protection they desire.

Yes. This is always a problem: repeat customers who are undesirable. At the NESF we have found that some customers are not worth trouble. Lately, we've begun to really segment our customers and focus our marketing energies on what we've determined to be the most profitable segment. Our interests lay in creating long-term, relationship-based, customer associations... Have you truly found that by prepackaging your tacos you can create more loyal customers?

Mr. Winky, we find that our customer base consists of high-priority individuals with the utmost taste in quality and freshness. This allows for them to partake in the wonderful variety of tacos that our company offers. If you wish to place an order, we have a screening process that would need to take place. Please forward all inquiries to jcremer@cmpi. Regards, Jane Cremer

I am certainly interested in learning more about your pre-packaged tacos. Please let me know what I need to do to become a valued customer of CMPI.

Dear Mr Winky,

Thank you for inquiring about Cremer Meat Packing Industries. We offer a variety of services to fit your meat packing needs.

If you would be so kinds as to fill out the questionaire that will be mailed to you, and return it in the pre-stamped envelope, we will forward your responses to our customer approval team.

As you may know, we only offer the choicest tacos, prepackaged to your specification. When choosing your tacos please be specific regarding toppings and and the type of meat that you wish to have. We serve a variety of meats which will be broken into cataogories and listed in your welcome brochure. Don't forget to take advantage of the free spice offer!!!

Sincerely,
Customer Service
CMPI